Blog Bash 2011

Hey there, I'm Kerry Leise. I'm joining the link-up party at WomenLivingWell.org. I've been married for over 10 years to an amazing man named Josh. We have no bio kids, but we are in the process to become licensed foster parents for kids 12 and under. I've been involved in children's ministries for many years. Josh and I also served in Papua, Indonesia as missionaries for 5.5 years.

This is the desk where I blog. I've been blogging since 2005 but have retired my missionary blog and moved on to blogging about my passion--children. 

Thinking and hoping that we would have a dozen children, I began preparing myself to be a parent well over ten years ago. I read every book I could on the subject and gathered all kinds of advice. We wanted to home school our children so I studied various methods and prepared our curriculum, also. A few years ago I figured all of this information was now useless since God didn't bless us with children.

Our 10th Anniversary

A couple of my friends have been brave enough to ask for advice from me, but I figured most people aren't interested in advice from someone who has yet to be a parent. I'm almost there, though, so if you're interested in learning about foster care adventures or to get another perspective on parenting, stay tuned!

Thanks for stopping by!

Annoying Behavior and the Reason Behind It, Part 2

In Part One I told you a story about poop-smearing and the reason behind the girl's behavior. Often kids do things that seem unnecessary or just plain annoying. Nobody is perfect. I do dumb things myself. It helps to remember that kids should not be expected to be perfect.

Jane Nelson made a handy chart to explain the reasons behind some of the annoying behavior we find in our children. (If the print is too small to read leave a comment or send me an email and I will email you the pdf version.) Check out PositiveDiscipline.com for more info on her books.

You will notice on the chart that when you feel annoyed for having to remind your child to do something, the child's goal is undue attention. (S)He mistakenly thinks, "I count (belong) only when I’m being noticed or getting special service. I’m only important when I’m keeping you busy with me."

So, how should we respond to this behavior in a way that is healthy and beneficial to the child? Here are Jane's ideas: "Redirect by involving child in a useful task to gain useful attention; ignore (touch without words); say what you will do, “I love you and ____.” (Example: I care about you and will spend time with you later.”) Avoid special service; have faith in child to deal with feelings (don’t fix or rescue); plan special time; set up routines; engage child in problem-solving; use family/class meetings; set up nonverbal signals."

Just the other day in the grocery store I saw the classic annoyed mother and two preschool age boys in the cart. Mom said, "Stop it and sit down! Why do you do this every time we go to the grocery store? Every time!" Nothing was in her cart yet so she had obviously just begun shopping. 

What could she have done with those boys? My first thought was: involve them in the shopping! Most kids would enjoy getting two cans of green beans off the shelf (if asked in a kind voice) and putting them in the basket. How many more seconds could it take for the child to take the item off the shelf than for you to do it? 

That little boy in the basket who was singing a little song and dancing around just wanted to be involved--to be a part of what his mother was doing. So many learning games could be played in the grocery store, and they wouldn't take up that much more time. How many items are on our shopping list. How many in the cart? How many more do we have to get? Of course, the older the child the more advanced the game could be.

Get creative and take the time to involve your child in what you are doing. It might take some effort but I guarantee you your child will not annoy you as much!

Annoying Behavior and the Reason Behind It, Part 1

Let's face it. Kids can do some things that really annoy us.

Last night I was listening to Life Matters and Mariah had Nancy Thomas on as a guest. Nancy told about a scenario of a foster child who had a habit of "poop smearing", and I don't think the child was a toddler. What could be more annoying than poop smeared on your walls? So, Nancy said she called the therapist and the therapist told her the next time she does it to not do anything, but call her immediately.

So, the next time the child decorated her bathroom with feces, she immediately called the therapist. The therapist came over to the house and put her arm around the little girl and said, "If that poop could talk, what would it say?"

Without hesitation the child answered, "I wonder if that man is still hurting my little brother and sister." Obviously, this was the root issue with her smearing feces all over the bathroom. To solve the problem, they found out what prison the man who hurt her was in and gave the child a photo of her younger siblings who were safe and sound.

Maybe your child doesn't do anything as drastic as poop smearing, but their behavior is still annoying. And in the heat of the moment the reason behind the behavior is probably the last thing on your mind. But try to think about it the next time your child does something that drives you crazy.

Do you ever have to keep reminding your child to do something over and over? Find out what is behind their behavior in Part 2.

F.A.Q.

Okay, apparently some of you are still in the dark about some things, so I will try to answer the most Frequently Asked Questions here.

Have you and Josh been checked by a doctor? Yes, we have seen an infertility specialist and nothing is preventing us from getting pregnant. We believe God is the one who opens and closes the womb and it is obvious He has chosen to close it for the past 10 years.

Are you planning on adopting the children that come to your home from foster care? No, adoption is not in our plans. If God makes it clear to us and leads us in that direction we will go there, but until then we are going to foster the children temporarily.

Do you get to choose the gender or ages of the children you will foster? On our application we were asked about our preferences. We plan to take newborns to 12 year olds, but we do not have a preference concerning gender or ethnicity. It comes down to a child or sibling group being removed from their abusive/neglectful home and needing a safe place to stay. Our preferences don't seem very important compared to their safety!

How many children are you planning on fostering at a time? At this point, we have one available bedroom with a crib and a twin-size bed. We can only legally take what we have room for, so we are limited to a baby and a child old enough to sleep on a twin bed.

How long will the child(ren) be in your home? See the 12-month court process for children. You may ask us where the child is in this process. That is probably about all the information we have, though.

If you have any more questions, leave a comment or send me an email.

The Foster Parenting Timeline Begins Today!

The process of getting our foster parenting license officially begins today, October 11, 2011. I am a little nervous, knowing that if for some reason this isn't God's timing or choice for our lives right now He could prevent us from getting licensed. But I need to trust Him, knowing that He knows what is best for us.

I just sent the email off to our foster care agency with 5 attached documents: our health status, marriage license, and background consent forms. I was about to scan the application when I realized I had an older version of it, so I started filling out the newer one and realized I needed some more info from Josh...who is sleeping soundly in his truck right now. It will have to wait until tomorrow! :(

Did I mention there is a lot of paperwork involved in foster parenting? Well, paperwork is nothing compared to the joy of knowing you are helping a child in need!

So, there you have it... the first post on our journey to getting licensed. If nothing else, I can keep this for my records.

The Encouraging Parent

I will never forget it. It was just a brief moment in time and yet it plays over and over in my mind. It must have been at least four years ago...

Josh and I were visiting some friends who had one child at the time. I think she was about three years old. While we adults were talking little Kate was over on the rug playing with her toys. She had been playing happily for a while when, quietly, her dad got up and went over to her.

He gently put his hand on her back and said, "I'm coming over here to encourage you." He praised her for playing so quietly and letting us talk. 

My heart melted. Just a few little words, but a love that will stay with that child for a lifetime.