What To Do When Kids Just Won’t Listen

This was originally posted on a previous blog of mine on  May 1, 2010 while we were serving in Indonesia as missionaries.

I wish you could hear their voices—the laughter, the screaming, the sound of their imaginative play. These are the children who play in our yard. There are around 30 of them, and they also attend our Sunday School, whenever they take the initiative to run all the way up the hill to the church building. We are starting to see some of the parents come to see what this church is all about also, but that is for another post.

The other afternoon the noise had a different tune to it. Once again they had gone to the forbidden spot behind our house and grabbed about 20 of our empty aluminum cans (fruit, cream of chicken soup, etc) and were using them as drums. As one beat the drums the other children were dancing about with leafy branches from our trees. They were having their very own traditional Papuan festival.

Looking back, I wish I would have videoed the whole scene. Unfortunately, I saw them and was not very happy because they had disobeyed again. There is just one spot they where cannot play or go--behind our house. Since they are not taught to obey with consistency and love at home, they think nothing of rules. I am not with them all the time, but I refuse to resort to their parents’ tactics of hitting them or slapping them across the face, not to mention the ugly and degrading words they use.

Anyway, I was not happy, so I breathed deeply first and went out and told them to put the cans back. I started to say, “How many times have I told you not to…?” But then I thought how ridiculous the question was, not to mention unhelpful. They looked at me with fearful eyes as they put the cans away as quickly as they could. I wanted them to see the love of Christ in me.

Thankfully, the positive discipline ideas that I’ve studied came to mind. “Let’s think of a solution to this, okay?” I said this as I squatted down to their level.

They didn’t know what to think. “You like playing with these cans, don’t you?”

They nodded.

“Why don’t I get a bucket and put some of these cans in it, and we’ll put it over behind the well. As long as you are playing in my yard you can do what you want with them, but before you go home you must put them back in the bucket.”

I went over it again with them and asked them what they are to do before they go home. “Put them away!” They happily answered.

I customarily shook each of their hands, smiled, and went back inside my house. A few minutes later I came back out with some cookies for them.

They probably think I’m the craziest woman alive!

The Grandparent Syndrome

Most children absolutely love going to Grandma’s house! And we know how much grandparents love their grandchildren. What is it about this relationship that makes it so special?

While there are probably a variety of reasons why the grandchild/grandparent relationship is so good, I am only going to point out a few. My purpose is to see what parents can learn from “the grandparent syndrome”.

I know all of these are not true of every grandparent, but these seem to be true of most. They could also be true of aunts, uncles, and other caregivers.

• Grandparents get a break. Because they are not with them every day they seem to have more energy and zeal to care for the children. I am not advocating that parents spend a lot of time away from their children, in fact, I am all for stay-at-home mothers and attentive fathers. The truth is, though, they need a break sometimes! Something should be said about whom parents leave their children with, but that is an entirely different subject for another time.
• Grandparents allow them to make mistakes. Grandparents seem to love their grandchildren unconditionally. While they might not let them get away with everything, they do extend some grace for making mistakes. You get the point. I didn’t say it was easy! I am just making observations.
• Grandparents try to win the child’s heart. Every grandparent wants to be loved by that little grandbaby. This is probably the most important thing parents can learn. “My son, give me thine heart, and let thine eyes observe my ways.” (Proverbs 23:26) Grandpa goes about trying to win that grandson’s heart by giving him undivided attention and really listening to him. He pulls him around in that wagon until they are both worn out. Grandma patiently teaches her granddaughter how to bake cookies, and they both love every minute of it! They are making time for the important people in their lives.

Sticks and Stones

 We literally ingest the messages we get from our childhood, metabolizing them into words of personal strength and capability, or weakness and ineptitude. Then these ideas, strung out into repetitions reinforced by experience, form the architectural framework for all of our life experiences. (Marsha Sinetar)

The old adage, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me,” couldn’t be further from the truth.

Not long ago a visiting evangelist was preaching to an assembly of all ages. Shortly after he stood behind the pulpit to begin his sermon, he stepped down and stood in front of the congregation to be closer to them. Immediately a young man about 16 years old jumped up and started to fetch a stand for the man’s notes. He had just gotten out of his seat on the front row and was about to walk in front of the evangelist when the man said, “Where are you going?”

“To get a podium for you.”

“No, no, I don’t need one.”

The story could have ended there with the young man embarrassed for his initiative and spontaneity. Maybe next time he would have hesitated to be so helpful, worried he would do something wrong.

Instead, the thoughtful evangelist said, “Thank you, though. Give this young man a raise!” With those few kind words the boy beamed with a smile of relief and joy.  A dose of confidence had just been given to him.

How much time and energy did it take for the evangelist to say those words? Not much at all, but I suspect the results far outweigh the effort.

What messages are we sending our children?

A New Chapter Begins

Now, if I only knew the title! Been blogging for nearly six years, mostly from Indonesia. My husband and I spent several years there planting a church, but that's another story in itself...more like a book.

I am destined to work with children because they are my passion, though I have none of my own. We plan to become foster parents in about a year. We're still trying to get settled back in here in America. Soon I hope to be involved in some kind of children's ministry. I couldn't resist starting a blog since I'll be taking the irrelevant ones down soon.