I like it when families can worship together in a church service. Sometimes it seems too much to ask from a three year old, though.
On the other hand, I’ve heard some people say, “My kids have been sitting through church since they were 18 months old,” and I assume they meant quietly and without leaping over the pew in front of them. Usually, this meant they were threatened with spanking and the parents really meant what they said.
Should we make children sit through the worship service? Perhaps we should have reasonable limits and expectations. Some parents don’t allow their children to do anything but fold their hands while others allow drawing or coloring.
Last night a precious three year old girl sat with me for a little while during church. I didn’t really have anything for her to do, so I (regretfully) allowed her to pull everything out of my purse! Money and credit cards were flying all over the seat.
My thought was that I couldn’t expect her sit there with nothing to do and this would keep her busy for a while, and it did. I can’t say that I would do that again, though, which is what inspired me to write this post.
What do you do with a three year old child or younger during a church service? (excluding spanking, nursery, and duct tape—just kidding!)
Through the years I have seen the following ideas used:
- Cheerios and juice: stuff their mouth full and they won’t make much sound. Never mind the mess on the floor and the chairs. (I’m not crazy about the mess it makes or kids eating in the sanctuary. Feeding or nursing a baby is completely different, of course.)
- If he unfolds his hands or uncrosses his legs yank the flailing, screaming kid up by the arm, drag him to the bathroom and…you know the spanking ritual.
- Wear them out through playing so they sleep the entire worship service. When they’re very young this might not be an issue but at some point you want them to actually take part in the singing, offering, and listening to the sermon—even if they don’t understand it all.
- Oh, isn’t she cute climbing the platform steps all by herself—and right in the middle of the sermon! Awww… (um…yeah, this could be a slight distraction!)
I’ve actually been thinking about this issue off and on for at least 9 years. The ideas that have come to my mind include these:
- Train them at home first. (If you have a time of family worship each day, that’s the perfect time to practice!)
o Practice 5-10 minutes at a time at first of quiet play in your lap or next to you on the couch. Act as if you were in the service, and whisper instead of talking out loud. You could even say, “We’re playing church.”
- Have a special bag of quiet toys or books for them to handle during church. Only use these toys at church or perhaps during “practice” at home. (Cloth books are great for this.)
Whatever we decide to do with young children during church I think our expectations and boundaries should be reasonable.
What do YOU do when you can’t/won’t send your child to the nursery?
So I'm not a parent but I've assisted with the rearing of a child or two...personally my preferrence is discipline from birth...haha...I dont know, sometimes it's just so disappointing to come across children who do not know the word 'no', or 'please stop doing that' even, and then look bewildered when you say it. I think there are daily situations in which you can rear a child in expected mannerisms. Clearly out lining what they can and can not do; and as they get older the actual explanation of all the "but why's?" I simply prefer the early discipline and preparing them on how to conduct their little selves not only in a Church environment but hopefully everywhere else...acknowledging that we shouldn't act different simply because we are in Church...now as little ones/kids go the latter is not likely to happen that young but here's to providing the example/guidance needed and it working, even if only eventually working! ha
ReplyDeleteNow as for what I've done with kids in Church service or anywhere that being quiet little well mannered people is required, strapping them around me and holding them till they pass out works on the real little ones, I have brought paper but have to be careful about the pencil/pen/marker you give them, cause well its usually permanent and stray marks stay, not to mention some try to shred it...ha...as well as if you put a book under it...the scribbling back and forth can be loud and you have to place your hand on top of theirs every 2 minutes to make the stop scribbling...so cloth books...highly recommended. (they are soft, make no noise and can not tear like paper, coloring books, napkins and other things you pass off in a hurry to entertain them)
Toys, even ones that you think are quiet can be hard cause they'll try to make noises for them and want to move around with them to show action movement.
Now as for just a bit older kids...I think if you make sure they stay involved it turns out to be just fine...get a routine for some things, like prayer time kids like to open their eyes and fidget, I hold their hands or put them in front of me and place my hands on their shoulders or across their chest, usually gently run my hand down their face starting at the forehead to close their eyes, they tend to think this is funny and cant wait for you to do it...
Make them hold the song book ( or hold it together) and track where you are at in the singing together, give them the extra time to find the page too...
Letting them do the offering of course
I've got my bible tabbed, so I point which book we are looking for and let them flip to it, then of course follow along with our fingers....
Anything to keep them actively involed during the service, during the sermon is harder but I just focus on keeping them from fidgetting, and if they try to talk, say "shhh, the pastor's talking, gotta listen" consistancy...love it.
I think I typed too much and probably got off point, not even getting the real point of topic but yeah that's just how I roll...
I think this is a good question. Our congregations don't have nurseries so everyone has their children with them for every Christian meeting for worship and learning. The Hebrews didn't send their kids away and Jesus didn't send children away; so the children are encouraged to participate from very early on.
ReplyDeleteFirst, ideally, kids will participate to the degree they are capable and will be focusing on spiritual matters.
One idea is to have them have a tally list with a few words to listen for. When they hear the word, they make a mark under that word. A child who can write, may write the word instead (early note-taking).
Or they may write out the scriptural references.
At two and three, my kids would have their own Bible and would flip to scriptures. At those ages, they didn't make it to every scripture, but we tried to get most of them and at least the Book, if not the chapter and verse number also.
By four and five, even non-readers are pretty capable of finding the verse for a lot of the books. Early readers/writers would find scripture and try to make a note (either the scriptural reference or a couple words from the scripture).
During parts with answering, young children can give simple answers, sometimes one word, sometimes a simple phrase Mom gives them. As they get older, they can learn answers from home for parts that are studied ahead of time. And, of course, in time, they can come up with answers in their own words, heartfelt answers, and answers they find through deeper study.
Children can be taught to pray when someone else is doing the prayer. At first, they may simply bow and be still. But you can work with them to help them "hear" and be part of the prayer.
Singing of songs is similar in that they can follow along in the songbook, saying what words they can when others do. It might start with just a few words. We know what songs will be used for each gathering so we can practice the songs ahead of time. That helps kids (and adults) know the tune and words more fully.
Then there is the wiggle factor. Adults need to change positions, move a bit, etc. We just learn to do it in ways that are not distracting. It makes sense to teach children how to do that also. So we learned a few different seating positions. And we learned to do tongue olympics in your mouth so no one else sees. And toes can do gymnastics also. No one will know if you squeeze your booty. Squeeze your hands together. All sorts of ways to move, readjust, etc without distracting.
We used sign language to help with guiding kids in our seats. I also wouldn't hesitate to take them to the bathroom or car to discipline firmly. This did NOT include spanking. That is an unnecessary step in the process. Why use it if it's not necessary? But getting out of our seats is not to be used as a ploy to JUST get out of our seats, get water, socialize, etc.
Of course, they are encouraged greatly for their progress.
As you read the above, you can see that children really aren't expected to be all that still. They are writing, flipping to scriptures, wiggling toes, answering, singing, praying.