No More Naps

When we first got our foster children I checked out the charts on how much sleep children their age should get each day/night and we put them down for naps and bedtime and woke them up accordingly. Well, unfortunately the girls were not sleeping at night and were often heard playing in their rooms after 11pm! So, we decided to stop making them take a nap even though the three year old was noticeably tired during the day. We never did make Uno take a nap because he was older but he had to stay in his room and play during naptime.

Now we have "quiet time". They must stay in their rooms for two hours but they can play with toys. Today they fell asleep, though, so we will see what kind of night we have! Thankfully, Uno is back in school after Spring Break. The days are so different (quiet and calm) without him here. I found myself so much more patient with them altogether today since he spent several hours in school, away from his sisters.

Fun with Play-Dough!

The girls are sleeping so much better now without having naps. I have quiet time so they can learn to play by themselves but also for my sanity. This is also a time where I can make a phone call without having a child screaming in the background.

Week 11: Jobs

Kids seem to love to help from a very young age. Handing a little one a wet wipe or washcloth and letting them "dust" or clean something usually brings them great satisfaction. If I were raising a child from birth I would start them early helping with jobs around the house according to their ability. 

Our foster kids are still young and although they might be old enough to do some things we are starting at the beginning with them. At this point they are still learning to clean up after themselves and keep their rooms clean. I don't think they are ready for other jobs at this point. They currently:

• put the toys away after playing
• take their plate to the sink after eating
• throw their trash away (from a snack, etc)
• hang their towel up
• put their laundry away
• put their dirty clothes in the hamper

Jane Nelson has a helpful article and an audio clip about how to get teenagers to do their chores.

Progress with Our Foster Kids

We are finally seeing some progress and order in our household. Two weeks ago we became parents for the first time to three out-of-control children. I am learning patience like never before. As for my husband, I am amazed at how well he does with them. I was already convinced he was the greatest husband in the world and now I'm convinced he's the greatest dad. He is the epitome of kindness and patience but knows how to be firm at the same time. I'm so thankful for him.

The kids now (with reminding at times):

• eat only at the table
• have a bedtime routine (with a chart to follow)
• bring their plates to the sink after eating
• put their dirty clothes in the hamper
• sit quietly in church 
• can sit and actually listen to a story book read to them
• can quote Bible verses

craft time--making necklaces

The kids are still working on:

• waiting their turn for something/sharing without throwing a tantrum
• playing with the dog nicely
• going to bed and staying in bed (mostly the girls)
• playing properly with baby dolls (I haven't tried since they first arrived, actually)

They've improved in all of these areas, really. They need to learn how to play properly, though. Sadly, when they play they beat the baby dolls to death and yell at them. When playing with a doll house they said to me, "Hey Mom, there's a lot of people at my house." I asked what they were doing there and she said "fighting". 

my first attempt at fixing her hair myself

New issues seem to pop up everyday but I have to remind myself where they have come from and how far they have come already. The past few days it has been the girls peeing on their bedroom floor when they are mad at me for correcting them. They have also been staying up very late tearing apart their room. Their trash can, which was full of tissues and pull-ups, was emptied and strewn out all over their floor. Then, they pulled their clothes out of their dresser and hamper and mixed the clean and dirty, dumping them on the floor. Then, they peed in the middle of it.

Weeks 9 & 10: Validate Feelings and Positive Time-Out

My kids have an awful lot of feelings to validate! I need to learn to keep my mouth shut and have a better attitude when they are screaming at the top of their lungs (the 6 year old). Check out what others have to say:

• Jane Nelson
• Mary Tamborski
• Single Dad Brad

I so much wanted to use positive time-out instead of a punitive time-out with these kids (or any kids), but with the chaotic situation we started with, we resorted to what worked. And, yes, as Jane Nelson states, it is coming with revenge from the kids. I am still using punitive time-out but I do want to try positive time-outs at some point. We just had to have some sort of order to the chaos. At first they did nothing we told them to do, but now we are making some progress and seeing some order in our home.

I will let you know when I get this one figured out! I definitely need to start using a positive time-out myself to let myself cool off before dealing with a behavior issue. In the meantime, get some good ideas from Jane Nelson.

Sneaky Three Year Old

Homeschooling Preschoolers

Today I started working with Dos and Tres on their letters and numbers. They loved using the movable alphabet, counting beans, and playing the memory game with numbers. I hadn't really planned what I was going to do I just knew I wanted to start teaching them something asap. Now that they aren't trying to kill each other and destroy my house all day long I thought I would start. 

Uno is in Kindergarten and is required to go to public school (in foster care), so it has given me more of a chance to work with the girls. Oh, has it been peaceful without him in the house all day! What a difference it makes having just the two girls. We suspected it was his behavior causing most of the issues. No surprise he slapped someone the first day of school. However, today he came home with a smiley face, which means he did not get into trouble.

Unfortunately, Uno saved all of his trouble-making for the house... It was chaos from the time I picked him up from school until he went to bed. It seems like he spent most of the time in time out! (We only do 6 minutes, too, since that is his age. Although we add a minute when he does something against the rules while in time out.)

Kids Sitting in Church

Amazingly, our kids have done very well sitting in church. Tres could be in the nursery since she is three but we have decided we don't want to leave the children at all, especially at first. Also, we have to have permission with our agency if we ever leave them with a baby-sitter. Anyway, they sit with us during the main service and we go through the song service as usual but when the preaching starts they get to color quietly. So far, so good. They beg to color at home but we only let them color at church, so it won't become boring (yet, anyway).

They each have a cloth bag with crayons and a big coloring book. I have to hide it when we're at home or they will get into it. I just don't want crayon marks all over the house and as destructive as they are...well, enough said.

Sneaky Behavior

Nap time has improved greatly, especially with Uno in school. The girls' bodies are used to falling asleep after lunch now, so they go down pretty well. I have to separate the girls, though, or they will play, so I have Tres in the pack-n-play in the living room, where I am usually working on the computer or paperwork. Yesterday, I caught up on ironing and putting clothes away in my bedroom. Since she fell asleep so well with me in another room I thought I could trust her alone. Not so.

I went and checked on her and saw a dining room chair pushed up to the armoire and one of the coloring (church) bags on the chair. I thought, "I don't remember that chair being there or anyone putting it there." Yet, I went back to my ironing puzzled because Tres was in the pack-n-play laying down.

When I returned to the living room later to put a pull-up on her (I had forgotten) I pulled back the blanket to find her coloring and pretending to be asleep! I was so mad. lol They know they aren't supposed to open their bags at home. Time out for her and then she fell right to sleep.

First Visit with Birthmom

Today the kids had their first visit with their mother. I assume this was their first time to see her since they were removed from the home just over 2 weeks ago. Ironically, yesterday they started calling me "Mama".

Since we wanted to be sure that the mom would show up we didn't tell the kids where we were going until about 10 minutes before we arrived. It was then that we finally reached their caseworker who said she hadn't heard that she wasn't showing. The kids' response to us telling them where they were going: complete silence for a while. Then, Josh said, "Are looking forward to seeing your mom?" Uno finally replied, "I love my mom."

Josh and I both were able to take them. We arrived at the DFPS office and a person who was to supervise the visit met us and asked if we wanted to meet the birthmom. I was not prepared to do that at all. I guess I didn't know how it worked, but Josh thought it was no big deal but apparently I have a lot of emotions to deal with after knowing what she has done/allowed to be done to her children. I did not want to meet her, honestly. 

We took the kids back to a very small room, where a woman sat in a comfortable chair. She was looking at the kids so I don't know if she even noticed us. The room looked like a tiny living room with just two chairs as far as I could tell, but I couldn't see the entire room. We immediately left and went to a nearby restaurant for the next two hours.

We returned early because we wanted to ask permission to get the kids' hair cuts, especially Uno. Apparently, that has to go through the caseworker so that got delayed. No haircut for Uno yet.

The kids came out with coloring books, crayons, gum, and silly bands. They were excited about what they had received, but Tres was crying and wanted her birthmom. The supervisor said the visit went really well and that the mom was nice (who wouldn't be at a time when you're trying to get your kids back!) and the kids didn't fight. She also told us that their mom promised that one of her friends was going to come get them and they could live with her. We'll see what happens in court tomorrow.

Oh, after the visit we took the kids to a nearby restaurant. Minutes after we were sitting down the birthmom and supervisor showed up at the same place! Thankfully, the lady saw us through the window and I gave her a look like, "Um, nope, not a good idea!" They turned around and went to another place. I assume they couldn't legally have been there with us either.

Surprisingly, the kids still called me Mama right after the visit. Their behavior was good, too, for the rest of the day.

School Fiasco

Today, we've had them for one week. We have seen some improvement in their behavior, thankfully. Yesterday, however, was a nightmare. I've been trying to get the paperwork to enroll Uno in school ever since I got him. The case manager assumed his previous foster mom had unenrolled him from the other school but she said she had not done so and had no paperwork on him with her.

A few people working on the case promised me the paperwork, so I waited. The girls' behavior would be much different without their brother around, I am sure, which is why I wanted him enrolled in school asap. A few days later I contacted the previous foster mom who said she had forgotten about it but would unenroll him on Monday. I contacted her Monday to remind her "to unenroll Uno from school". Then I find out he was already unenrolled last Tuesday and all she used to enroll him was his placement papers!! That would have been nice to know a week ago!

I had already tried to contact someone to go with me to enroll him to help manage the girls, but by this time it was 3:07pm, so I called the school to see how late the secretary will be there. They said maybe until 3:45pm. I really wanted this done and I didn't figure anyone could come and help me on such short notice, so the kids and I jumped in the van and headed to the school. Big mistake.

When we went into the school I told the kids to sit on a bench a few feet away from me while I talked with the receptionist. That lasted about 2 minutes. After that they were running around, hitting each other, trying to push open the door of the school, etc. Oh my goodness. Here I am trying to talk to this lady and the kids are going wild! Then, they thew a fit because they were convinced they were going to get to see their teachers. (Dos thought she was going to school, too. I told her I had to check on a HeadStart program.) I thoroughly explained all of this before we even went into the school.

I was so mad at them I sent them all to their rooms when they got home. I knew better than to go out in public with these 3 alone! I did at least get the stack of paperwork to register him. 

The crazy thing is that after all of this their court day is tomorrow and they could go to another home or something and not even go to this school!

SuperNanny, Where Are You??

The challenge continues with our three foster children. We are seeing some progress it seems, though. Today, Day 5 was so much better. I didn't feel any steam coming out of my ears. :) The time-outs were fewer and the two younger ones actually slept during nap time and went down the first time without getting out of bed!! Breakthrough, people!

This is where I found Dos during nap time. (under her bed)

The children have bonded so well with Josh and they love him to death! They unashamedly call him "Daddy". They miss him when he goes to work, and we are so thankful that he gets to come home so often with his new job. I can't imagine what it would have been like with him gone a lot. I do not think I would have survived, honestly.

I've worked with children for nearly 20 years and I have never come across a challenge like this one. I know it is because of the horrible environment they came from and I hate that.