Limiting Screen Time

Times have really changed. Years ago, when I was still a teenager, I made up my mind that I didn't want to own a television. Josh had already made the same decision before I even met him, so that was something that didn't even need a discussion when we planned on getting married.

I think most people know that too much screen time (of any kind) isn't healthy. Jane Nelson has a helpful plan on how to set those limits with your family. I just don't see the TV as a necessity, and knowing how visual-oriented I am, I could easily get addicted to it. That wouldn't be healthy for me or my family. I am sure there are some good things on television nowadays, including many educational shows, but I am still glad about the decision we made. Our children love to look at books and are probably a lot calmer than if we had cartoons going all the time. I noticed a huge difference in families (children) who watch television and those who don't.

That being said, we do own a computer and two smart phones, which are potentially more dangerous than television in many ways. However, our children don't touch the computer at their young ages nor do they mess with our phones, and we have to watch our own screen times so as not to get addicted to the internet. We do watch movies occasionally on our computer, but I haven't found many age appropriate movies for our kids that aren't totally pointless and mind-numbing. (yeah, I just don't see the point in most of them) Our computer is in our living room, by the way. One of the main reasons is so that I can watch the kids when I need to use the computer.

Another benefit that we have now is that there are settings on TVs (even on the older ones) where you can put in a password and block certain shows that are above the rating you would want for your children. There are probably all kinds of other ways to program a TV that I am not even aware of.

As for the computer, there are plenty of Internet filters and parental controls such as K9 Web Protection. There is also accountability software such as Covenant Eyes. Filters can also be used for smart phones.

I like #3 on this tool card. I haven't mentioned video games yet but you have to have some kind of screen to play them. We just haven't really gotten into them but we do enjoy playing computer games every once in a while. 

However, not long ago we took the kids to the dentist where they have a play room. They just installed an XBox 360 Kinect in there and some kids were playing it. I was astounded. Honestly, I thought it was the coolest thing and was ready to purchase one immediately! The reason I liked it was that the kids were jumping up and down and moving back and forth while playing it, so they were getting exercise. It was totally interactive. I mean, I've played the Wii but this seemed even better.

I talked to Josh about it, we got some more info on it and realized our living room was small and we would have to make some changes to put it in our home. Josh considered getting it for my birthday and we even went shopping for it but we came to the conclusion that, 1) We would probably end up with some kind of TV monitor on our wall so we could have a nice size screen, 2) We would be introducing the video game world to our very young children, 3) Both 1 and 2 are steps in the opposite direction that we want our family going.

Before you roll your eyes, it's probably just that I am weak and you are strong. Maybe you have an easier time setting limits on yourself than I do, which is probably true, because I have a feeling if I had an XBox 360 Kinect in my living room I would either play it all the time or the kids would!

The key word here is limit. 

Positive What?!

I have a confession to make.

I feel like I am blowing it when it comes to positive discipline with my children. In fact, I have resorted to punishment most of the time. :( Josh, however, has been kind and firm at the same time, which is the foundation of positive discipline, but he still uses time out. I am firm (consistent) but need to work on the "kind" part, especially when I am tired.

After reading Positive Discipline books years ago I could clearly see how well the tools could work with older children (6 and older), but I've always been unclear as to exactly how it looks for toddlers and preschoolers. My children are younger and the oldest is emotionally young for his age, so I've had a rough time implementing some of the positive discipline techniques. However, had I not read about these methods I cannot imagine what it would be like in our home! We are not allowed to use corporal punishment and that is all I knew years ago.

I said all of that to say... since I am already behind on the tool cards, mainly because I don't see how to implement them with my children's ages, I will write about the ones that are working for us. Oh, we are planning to start having family meetings soon and I can't wait!

Here is one that I'm actually good at, BUT I often make a big mistake and fail to be kind and/or keep my mouth shut afterwards:

We have bedtime routines that we rarely deviate from and they go to bed good most of the time. Sometimes they don't want to go to bed, though. If they get out of bed for anything other than going to the bathroom we point to their bedroom without saying a word, but sometimes if they come in the living room and say something to us we will put them in time-out. Maybe we're too strict but we always follow through. Here's our evening routine:

• Eat supper
• Take baths, one at a time
• We read books to them (while waiting their turn to bathe)
• Bible Time (Read the Bible, say their memory verse)
• Prayer Time
• Bedtime

So, just to make myself accountable and remind you that I am far from a perfect parent, I am working on being kind and not doing the "I told you so" routine when they mess up. Now, go read what TO do at Jane Nelson's blog!

The Kids' Schooling, Preschool and Kindergarten

Uno's readers from school

Uno

Uno is really making progress in Kindergarten. His teacher was surprised at how well he did when she tested him again. He comes home singing all kinds of learning songs which, I assume, he is hearing at school. (counting by 5's and 10's, for instance.) He also seems to love science and always has something to say about catching ladybugs or planting a flower at school. About the only thing he cannot do yet is write a story, but, hey, he's only in Kindergarten!

The girls really caught onto this one.

The most exciting thing to me is that Uno is now reading! His teacher sent home some early readers and he read the first one through very well. I think we are now on book 3. Reading to the children is part of our evening routine, and sometimes Josh lets Uno read some easy words, too. When the children first arrived they could not sit still long enough for us to read a book to them. Now, they will choose to sit quite often throughout the day and "read" books!

...and on the back of the cards are the symbols.

Dos

The days have been so busy and I've been so tired that I haven't been as consistent with the girls' home schooling. I think I am supposed to have Dos enrolled in Headstart but they did not have an opening. She was disappointed because she wants to go to school like her brother. I plan to get her registered in May, though.

a homemade Montessori "sandpaper letters"

At this point, I am taking it slowly with her so she can master the concept of what the numbers and letters mean, as opposed to just teaching them the symbols. For instance, I am teaching the sounds of the letters of the alphabet, not the names yet. Although, for a while I taught them the A beka chart "A says a a apple, etc."

In Math, I am teaching what zero, one, two, and three mean instead of focusing on the symbols (0,1,2,3). I tried starting out that way actually, using both the symbol and quantity and they had no idea what I was talking about, so I started over with a different approach. I'm using a little bit of the Montessori method but not totally.

So far, Dos knows almost all of her colors except she usually mixes up yellow and blue. We play the memory matching game with color flash cards. She understands the quantities of zero, one, two, three, and four. I tried some pre-handwriting readiness worksheets but she doesn't seem to have the motor skills to write yet. I'm using the Montessori sandpaper letters, focusing on lower case only. It has been weeks since I went over the sounds of the letters with her but I just tested her and she still remembers 13 of the sounds! I had only gone over it a few days, maybe a week. I'm impressed.

girls still confused on this one

Tres

I am doing the same thing with Tres as I am with Dos but a little slower since she isn't quite getting it as fast.  She knows the names of the colors but seems to only recognize the color orange. She does, however, know which ones match. As far as quantities go, she understands zero, one, and two so far. I'll have to test her to  see which sounds she knows but often I'll see her point to a letter and say "horse!" (the letter h) or "apple" (the letter a). *I just tested her and she knew 7 of the sounds!

They love this matching game!

I want to work with the girls more, especially since I just tested them and they remembered so much after so many weeks!  Hopefully, I'll be able to work with all three of them this summer and get Uno caught up if he is still behind and give the girls a good foundation with their understanding of letters and numbers.

The Definition of "Soon"

I had a nice organized post about the kids' schooling to put up but I'm not in the mood to finish it yet. Right now I am just feeling overwhelmed and emotional about the whole situation. I'll get over it soon, but I'm just reminded of part of Tim and Wendy's closing line in their podcast: "Foster parenting is the most heart-wrenching, all-consuming thing we've ever done but when it comes down to it it's all about helping kids and that's been the most rewarding thing in our lives."

We love these kids and it is amazing to see the changes in them. I've had people at the grocery store say, "They seem so proper!" Hah! I think it's funny. No kid is proper all the time but they are learning to be polite. Sometimes it's hard to see the progress, though, when you're in the middle of it and feel like you're nagging all day long.

back of Tres' hair 

I think one of the hardest parts for me, emotionally, is the birth-parent visit. I don't know why, but I have such a hard time leaving them and then hearing them say, "My mom said we're going home soon. I want to go home so I can have my birthday party," over and over afterwards. His birthday is in November. Today, we were in the waiting area and birthmom and Uno's dad walked in. Uno must have asked her again when he is going home because he turned to me and said, "See? She said soon!" Six months to a year might seem soon to an adult but not to a six year old! 

finger coils in front part of hair since it is cut weird

Josh later had a talk with Uno about the definition of "soon". Apparently, it didn't quite make sense yet since he asked if he could take my birthday cake home with him when he leaves! Poor kid. It kills me to see them hurting and missing their mom. They actually didn't ask for her until after one of the visits when she started promising big birthday parties for them. Now they talk about their big birthday party every single day! Prior to this all I heard was, "I'm not going back to that nasty place."

The kids' attorney came by and talked with us about the possible outcomes of their case. The bottom line is that we will know nothing until about six months from now when the court should make the decision whether or not to terminate the parental rights and put the kids up for adoption or send them back home to their mom. It's difficult wondering what will happen to these kids. If they go back home will their mom do the same thing she has done two or three times already, sending the kids to yet another foster home? Or who will adopt these children and how crazy it will be when they leave our home after finally being settled for a while? At the same time I have to think of the difference we can make in their lives today--right now, by loving and nurturing them and showing them what a good home is.

On a brighter note, Dos' hair is finally starting to grow in the bald spot on her head. We treated it for ringworm but still aren't totally sure what was causing the hair loss there. Finally, after using some special scalp lotion and some "Gro Strong Triple Action" hair is starting to grow there. Tres' hair is a challenge to do since I had never fixed a little girl's hair before, much less AA hair. It took me 2.5 hours just to do what is shown the above photos...while trying to get a 3 year old to sit still! I'm hoping it will last a week or two.

One Month Later...

It's been just over a month since we've been blessed with three children to care for. Daily I feel inadequate to care for these needy children. The fact that they are blossoming and changing into happy, healthy children gives me hope and confidence.

A Nice Change

The cps worker who investigated their case (seeing the living condition they were removed from) came to see the children again the other day. She was very impressed at how well the children were behaving compared with one month ago. She said, "This time, I could actually sit down and have a conversation with each of the kids. Before, I couldn't do that." The kids were obviously out of control when we got them.

Just a couple of weeks ago Dos started to bloom. Before she seemed distant to me, yet clingy to Josh and especially sad when he was at work. However, one day she started to talk more and something seemed to "click" for her. She figured out what obedience meant and actually started to do just that. We hardly ever have to put her in time-out now. I was so thankful to have at least one that wasn't a constant battle!

Life as a Foster Parent

Sometimes I wonder when we have time to care for the kids between the appointments and required paperwork! It's funny because just when I thought I was done with all the paperwork (to get licensed) we have a ton more to keep up with for the kids. Now, don't get me wrong, I understand that this stuff is important and am so thankful that the DFPS and our agency exist because many children are in safe loving homes now. Here are just a few of the things we have to keep up with:

• dental, eye, psychiatric, general doctor appointments (We must fax a form filled out by the doctor after every visit.)
• monthly medication logs (logging every ounce of medication given to the child)
• biweekly foster parent logs stating how we are helping the kids meet their behavioral, educational, social, developmental, etc. goals and a lot of other information
• incident reports
• visits from cps workers, case workers, casa workers, and other people 
• visits with family every other week
• school paperwork

I think I am finally caught up, but it has taken me hours. The kids ask, "What are you doing?" Poor kids, there I sit signing and scanning papers all day! Hopefully, I can stay on top of it from now on so I can do it mostly during their quiet time.

School Issues

Uno is my extremely active little 6 year old. His Kindergarten teacher called us in for a parent-teacher conference. Not only is he is having a lot of behavior issues, but because he probably missed so much school  in his bio home he is so far behind he will have to repeat the grade.

In the classroom, Uno sits directly in front of his teacher and when they are on the carpet he sits right beside her. Yesterday, he hit/pinched/etc other students 7 times! His teacher said he cannot sit still and suggested medication. He is missing so much school going to all of these scheduled appointments, anyway, sometimes I wonder if we should just pull him out now since he's going to repeat the grade anyway.