Parenting Effectively Part 2: Scientifically Proven Behavior Modification

Did you miss the first part of this series? Here are the other parts in the series:

Introduction
Part 1: Control Your Own Behavior

Scientifically Proven Behavior Modification

If you are a parent having behavior problems with your child, then you most likely want a solution that works…now! Nothing is more annoying than your child doing the opposite of what you want her to do. While I believe the focus of our parenting should be on relationship building and problem-solving skills, there are times when we need some immediate improvement in behavior. This was the case with our three foster children, who were constantly trying to choke and hit each other!

So, if you’re looking for something that has been proven to work, you might want to check out The Kazdin Method. The book comes with a helpful DVD to show you exactly what to do and how to do it. After hearing about it working with some children adopted from foster care, I checked it out at our local library. I’ll just give you a glimpse of his method here but he does encourage parents that the details of the system are very important. It’s not the typical reward chart that didn't work for you in the past.

Did you know that any kind of attention can encourage your child to repeat behavior, including punishment?  When our foster children purposely peed on our brand new carpet, I was furious! They got a negative reaction out of me, but it was still attention—something children crave. Did they repeat the behavior? Yes, and often!

The Positive Opposite

Instead of reacting to the negative behavior you need to first find the positive opposite of that behavior. If the child is throwing his clothes all over the floor of his bedroom, the positive opposite would be him placing his clothes in his dresser or closet. If she keeps getting out of bed again and again for a drink of water to stretch out bedtime, the positive opposite would be her going to bed, getting up no more than once for a drink or bathroom, and remaining in her room.

Specific Praise

According to science, praise is one of the most reliable tools in changing a child’s behavior, but be aware, this does not merely mean saying, “Good job” 100 times a day. Praise must have these attributes:

·         Be very enthusiastic (especially with younger children) 

·         Be specific (“Wow, you got to the breakfast table right when you were told. Way to go!”) 

·         Include touch (a pat on the head or shoulders, high five) 

·         Contingent (Did they do at least part of the desired behavior? Praise the small steps, too!) 

·         Immediate (as soon as they do the desired behavior) 

·         Frequent

Making a Point Chart

A point chart is a day-by-day way of keeping track of and displaying the positive behaviors your child has accomplished and the rewards he or she can earn for them. The book gives detailed instructions for the number of points to give and a list of age-appropriate rewards for children. Be sure to make it possible for the child to earn small rewards often (every day, at least at first). Also, it is important to break the desired behavior into small, doable steps.  Even if you think your child should be able to sit and do an hour of homework, start out with 10 minutes at a time, if he usually refuses to do any. You may also want to have an additional incentive chart that totals all the points earned (spent or not spent) to get a more expensive reward—something the child has been asking for.

·         Praise is the main objective, rewards are secondary. 

·         Don’t wait for perfection to praise or give points. 

·         Break the behavior into small steps.  “Yay! You’re walking to your bedroom right when I told you to go to bed!” 

·         Be careful not to punish with your words. Never add a “but” to your statement of praise. If they don’t do the desired behavior, calmly say, “No point this time. You can try again later.”

Practicing the Good Behavior

When you and your child are calm and in a good mood he can practice doing the positive opposite for points. If you’re breaking the terrible tantrum into doable parts, have him pretend to throw a tantrum without hitting anyone. Praise him, using the criteria above, and give him a point (or two, whatever your scale is) for not hitting. Eventually, you can move on to not throwing things during a tantrum, and finally staying calm when something usually triggers a tantrum. Practice every day and don’t be stingy with praise or points!

Remember, this method is designed to be used temporarily. The goal is to create a habit of positive behavior. This is just one tool for parenting your parenting toolbox and it shouldn't be used excessively.

The details are lined out in this book: The Kazdin Method for Parenting the Defiant Child by Alan E.Kazdin