Wednesday, June 5, 2013

The Story of Valor and Levi: The Honeymoon Ends

Part 3

 We don't know exactly what triggered the emotional breakdown, but he has not been the same since. Our (almost) perfect little 7 year old turned into a terrified, clingy little boy who couldn't stand to leave our sight, and if we didn't give him our undivided attention at all times he would get very upset and cry.

Exhausted but Hopeful

Okay, so the roller coaster of emotions actually began the day we welcomed Valor and Levi to our home. However, although I have always hoped we would adopt children someday, Josh had always reminded me our goal was to help children heal and make a difference in their lives as long as they were in foster care--not to adopt them. I also knew, though, that my husband had a tender heart deep down, and that someday a child would reach inside him and squeeze his heart until he could resist no longer. What I didn't know is that it would happen so quickly!

I am a very emotionally sensitive person who is an introvert and cannot seem to handle a lot of people or stress for long periods of time. (Read this article for more details.) I am more than happy and very thankful that my husband works hard enough for me to stay home with our foster children and give them my full attention. We both feel very strongly about the importance of a mother being the primary caregiver of her child. I know that isn't always possible, especially in the case where a father leaves the family and the mother must provide an income. Yes, I have a degree. Yes, I am capable of  holding down a job. I did it all four years of college and made it to a supervisor position. I don't care that I don't have a "career". Nothing is more important to me than being home with our foster children! 

Anyway, even though I love staying home with the children, dealing with emotionally unstable, tantrum-throwing children who are not your own gets tiring and overwhelming at times. Did I mention all the required appointments, paperwork, rules and visits from workers, too? I've heard just dealing with your own, happy, stable child gets tiring, too, so you can only imagine! :-) Not complaining, just stating facts.

So as we were bonding more and more with these boys and our family and friends are falling in love with them, and even strangers at the store think they are ours, we begin to see what a perfect fit they are to our family in so many ways. I wanted to keep them from day 1 and was secretly hoping that Josh would fall in love enough to agree to adopt them when the time came. We were very attached to the boys. Life was good, if I could just ignore that nagging thought of the boys leaving one day.

I was also worried that we wouldn't be able to take them to Iowa with us for a week or so. We usually go there to visit Josh's parents and family for Christmas or the week following. I didn't want to think of having to leave our boys with someone else, especially for that length of time. I knew they would also have a very hard time since they were so attached to us. Thankfully, the trip was approved by all parties! 

The Honeymoon Comes to a Screeching Halt

First road trip with the boys! The long trip there was very good and we were thrilled to introduce our boys to their second set of foster grandparents! They seemed to enjoy the boys, too. Levi goes to anyone and loves new people. Valor steals people's hearts with his adorable smile.

On top of being exhausted, being away from home, and not knowing the future, the "honeymoon phase" of Valor's stay in our home ended when something triggered some fear in him. It was right in the middle of our vacation in Iowa. (Foster children often go through a honeymoon phase of being extra good for a few weeks or months. Our first placement had no honeymoon phase at all, though!)

Josh's parents are fun, laid-back people who enjoy having a lot of people around. They have a spacious home, so they had a Christmas gathering with at least 50 people there. At some point during the party Valor freaked out. (We were with him the entire time, so nothing could have happened to him that we didn't see.) We don't know exactly what triggered the emotional breakdown, but he has not been the same since. Our (almost) perfect little 7 year old turned into a terrified, clingy little boy who couldn't stand to leave our sight, and if we didn't give him our undivided attention at all times he would get very upset and cry. One thing that really got him upset was when Josh and I would sit by each other. There was room for him right beside us but he couldn't stand us being close together and would insist on one of us giving him our full attention. We couldn't go to the bathroom without explaining why we were leaving the room. 

To be continued...





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